sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
