i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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