We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize