Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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