Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
