Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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