The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
