But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
