No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
