The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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