I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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