I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
