after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
