If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
