My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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