so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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