Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize