Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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