Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
