just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
