I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Houston, we have a blender
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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