Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
