you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
