that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So squirting runs in the family.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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