Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he thought i was a dude.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
