last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
