she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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