I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
