I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
