I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
