Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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