well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
