My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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