i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
