You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
