she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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