Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
