I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
