He uses pillows to masturbate.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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