quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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