Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
