what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize