Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
