WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I wish there were birth control emojis
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
