I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
