the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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