yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
