I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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