i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
