so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize