hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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