you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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