I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
the day after is always just damage control
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
