i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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