Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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