When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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