I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
