OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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