you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
