Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
