Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
