We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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