I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
