i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
