Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
