hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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