ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
