i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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