considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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