You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
