HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
