mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
